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Thought I'd post this someplace only you can read this, Charlene.… - Enter the demented minds.... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Enter the demented minds....

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[Aug. 18th, 2006|06:50 pm]
Enter the demented minds....

rachelenerauran

[arei_james]
Thought I'd post this someplace only you can read this, Charlene.



Welll.......... here's a half-alright attempt that I'm sure I'll hate by tomorrow. It sounds better than it reads.

~

I waited by the door
For a week before
I started inventing
The sound of the doorbell
Ringing in my mind
Or the drag of your breathing
So real I had to check behind me

And every waking moment
I willed the phantom of your lips
Return to mine
But that was long before
You ever left me here to die

But I have no doubt if
You just thought about it
It would be as easy to come
As it was to go
And I know
It’s a foolish need
But I still make believe
You’d return as many
Times as you’d leave

It’s a safe admission
Not an easy one
To stop pretending you’re someone I know
With my heart’s permission
With me still half undone
Confessing maybe you’re not coming home
And now, just like before
I am alone

I waited on the watch
I listened to the clock
Every tick, a kiss that you’d owe
Or a measure of how far below
It was my heart pounded
Under the ground and
I held on fast
That you’d run our of gas
Shortly after you turned around

But I have no doubt if
You just thought about it
It would be as easy to come
As it was to go
And I know
It’s a selfish need
But I’d still make believe
You’d return as many times
As you’d leave

It was a safe admission
No one said an easy one
To stop pretending you’re someone I know
Give my heart permission
And unfreeze my tongue
Now I’ll confess that you’re not coming home

No one said it was easy
But before this can leave me
Let this independence fill my lungs
I stop pretending you’re something I know
I stop pretending you’re still coming home

And now, just like before
I am alone
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: pyra_angel76
2006-08-19 03:08 am (UTC)
My favorite part is probably the chorus. A good strong chorus is essential for a song, as I'm sure you know.
This part I don't quite understand:
Or a measure of how far below
It was my heart pounded
Under the ground and
I really like this line:
You’d return as many times
As you’d leave

As a whole, I liked it a lot. Admitedly I did not love it, but it's one of the kinds of songs I'd like to listen to repeatedly, before changing it to another, possibly by the same artist. More like a "Be strong" rather than an "Innocent Eyes". Still nice to hear, but not your fav. to listen to.

Oh and I really connected with this line:
I stop pretending you’re something I know
I stop pretending you’re still coming home
And now, just like before
I am alone

I hope I was some help. Keep it up! I love you!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: arei_james
2006-08-19 11:22 pm (UTC)
Really good critique! I was kind of going for a blah-yet-meaningful lyrics-wise (not unlike Be Strong), to let the chords speak for themselves, 'cause they're so pretty. And the melody isn't like the lyrics would lead you to believe, either... can't really explain. You just have to hear it.

The heart line is supposed to mean... you know, underground, supposed to be either practically dead or really heavy. It's like the only imagery in the entire song. Which is good for me. It's supposed to be interpreted however you think it means, but if it confuses you, choose one of the things I think it might mean. ^_^

I think my very very favorite line is probably 'I listened to the clock, every tick, a kiss you'd owe'. It's like she/he/me is waiting, angry, but ready to forgive. A pretty selfish song to begin with, but by the end it's about getting over something... something I'm sure we can all connect with. That, you know, it's alright to be alone in that way, because it's not the end of the world.

Working on the next Innocent Eyes, because my other chords aren't nearly as self-carrying as these ones were. Looking for inspiration in the faces of others (namely, beautiful people... Daniel... Delta... Darren... Petra Nemcova... Charlene and Aron at the prom.... XD)

~Rachela
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